So remember that temper I was telling you about? Yeah that one. Losing it can be well….not so good let’s leave it at that. So as I sit here drinking my beer, eating my kit-kat bars, and watching Wall Street I wonder how the weekend that I began to look forward to has literally gone to shit. Now what I write on here is for my own benefit of relieving my ridiculous amount of stress.
So what is the different between an alcoholic and a drunk? An alcoholic goes to meetings whereas a drunk doesn’t. Funny right? To some I suppose that it is funny; but to me not so much. Especially when you live with a “drunk” I suppose that has to make me a hypocrite right? Well personally I don’t particularly care because I’m not that stupid to let it happen to me. But what is it that really separates me from my benefactors? I drink alcohol and I enjoy it. I smoke here or there and enjoy that when I do too. Is it moderation in use? Who knows because I sure don’t; so back to square one. What is it that separates me from them? I think that unlike them, I have certain morals. Morals that won’t leave me to be a spineless pig like them.
Morals that won’t send my family into bankruptcy.
Morals that won’t allow me to be selfish with bad decisions.
And morals that don’t make my family resent me.
Think on it. Gnight.
Pretty much everyone has that one friend that they have been with since god knows how long ago. My best friend is my buddy Mike. I have known Mike since I was five. 15 years can be a long time right? Him and I have been there for each other through more shit than you could ever imagine. A while ago I finally grew up and saw the better part of life. He didn’t; he was too caught up with his girlfriend. The only girl to this day who he has ever dated or experienced. So I can understand the attachment that he has towards her. But what happens when she finally is gone? He takes that attachment and focuses it elsewhere. He begins to act irrationally in more ways than one.
When I sign on to my computer the first thing I see is an IM from him. And for a couple of days I let it slide, I was able to understand that in times of stress you look to your friends. But that was over a week ago; so here it still continues. Now keep in mind I consider myself a nice guy, I do not look to hurt anyone’s feelings but I sure as hell do not want to spend every waking moment of my time at home with a guy. So when I go home for 4 days this weekend what should I do? Tell him off? I am not sure. But what I do know is that I’m not the one who has to grow up anymore, he does. Normally a guy is not supposed to be feeling smothered by another guy…am I right? For those of you that don’t think I should be feeling this way then let me explain exactly what has caused this:
He wants to come visit my school from the first ferry that will get him here on a Friday morning, which is around 9:00 AM until 2 hours before he has class on a Monday afternoon. I can simply not have any of my friends from home visit for that long and he knows it.
Next, he wants to transfer to my school and try and play football. But wait, there’s more. He told me that he wants to especially come to school here because it is where I am.
Now when I told him I would be home for 4 days, this was what he immediately wanted to do. Have a sleep over friday night. Go out to a club saturday night. then go to a party sunday. Then have a BBQ monday night.
So I’ll let you guys decide on this one… Thanks for reading.
So here’s my first time writing on this thing. I’m not entirely sure what I want to write about so I’ll just ramble about what is on my mind. As I sit here in the common room of my suite (in my dorm) I see the people I live with coming and going. Doing as they please and just doing everyday things. Many of these people I do not like, have respect for, nor do I want to live with either. I simply put up with them. I see liars who make themselves seem much higher up than they might think they are. I see cheaters who lie to the faces of those that love them and I wonder. If I do not do any of this, if I just keep living the honest life that I live, then why do they get everything when I wallow and get nothing.
One thing most people don’t know about me, is that I have a temper. Some people have seen me genuinely mad before; and only one person here at school has actually seen me mad. At home that is a different story; my family has seen me lose it before. I get so mad that sometimes I’ll black out. But I hold it back as much as I can, and sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn’t. Fact of the matter is am I justified in my anger. I see things happen every day that I want to change, want to stop. I think one problem with myself is that I blame myself for everything. I don’t know why, I just do.
So what calms me down? There’s always the golf course. I have golfed for the last 15 years of my somewhat short life. I enjoy it with a passion; it puts me at peace with myself. There’s nothing better to me than hitting a 320 yard drive down the fairway. Nor is there anything better to me than reading one of my books. Reading has always put me in another world, somewhere where I can be free; it immerses my mind. I grew up on Long Island, hence my Word Press name of “islander91”. Living on an island obviously I was surrounded by water, and spent a lot of time in or on the water. Being at the beach, even just looking at the water calms me to the core, no matter how mad or sad I am it always helps. There’s also one other thing that calms me down….there’s this girl, who always brings me back from the brink…..
So there it is, a little intro to myself, don’t worry there will be more from to come soon enough.
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